In another life
by DistantSong
Summary: They loved each other. But he got married, and she found another man. They have a child, child she kept from him, playing a game. Of hide and seek. And when he found out...it began again, because it never even ended. /This is a ShikaIno story, set after the war. It is also a pre-story to my fic Naruto:The Next generation :D Reviews are appreciated :)
1. In another life

She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Her white wedding dress was stunning. V-neck cutout, made of lace, it looked like it was made just to fit Temari's beautiful figure. Details were perfect, flowers and waves of lace, with something shiny over it. She wore no make up and yet she was so elegant and pretty, with bouquet of the most beautiful pink roses I could find. She was...I couldn't describe it.

And he wasn't so bad himself. Nara Shikamaru. Dressed in a black tuxedo. His eyes were sparkling as he watched the beautiful sight in front of him. His troublesome woman walking towards him with a smile. He was glad that he choose her. Indeed, she was the right choice, not me, Yamanaka Ino, the bridesmaid. It amazed me when he told her to ask me to be the bridesmaid. I was shocked, but I accepted it, they were my friends, after all. He was my teammate. Father of the child growing inside me.

Yes, I was pregnant.

We...it happened after the war, we found solace in each others arms after the deaths of our fathers. He felt guilty for taking my virginity, but I didn't. We did it in affect, but it wasn't sex. We made love. Bitter love, love that just wasn't meant to be. Two weeks after, I found out I was pregnant, but I never told him. Instead, I left him, alone. Alone in the time when he needed someone, me, just me and no one else. Why did I do that? Because I wanted him to be happy. And with me he wouldn't have that. The war destroyed me. My mind was never the same since then, I still wake up in sweat, crying and screaming, seeing live pictures...Pictures from the battlefield. He didn't deserve to have someone who would constantly remind him of that war. And that's how she came in.

Temari of Suna.

She was there. Waiting for him all the time. And after I left he took her in, forced himself to fall in love with her, and now, just four months later, here they are, getting married. Happy. In love.

I almost burst into tears when they exchanged their vows and kissed, smiling. How happy he was...Shikamaru. I rubbed my belly, slowly, saying sorry to my child, when Kiba came to me, kissing my forehead. Dear Kiba...I fell in love with him because of the same reason Shikamaru has fallen in love with her. He was there. He knew about my state of mind and he encouraged me not to fear. He fought each one of my fears and ended up winning. I told him about the child, and he agreed to father it, he was so happy, like it was his and not Shikamaru's. But we will have children. I am sure of it.

Temari went to receive congratulations, leaving her newly wed husband standing, sighing behind her. Kiba went to give them our congratulations and I came to Shikamaru.

„Hey, Shika."I whispered. His head turned towards my direction the moment he heard my voice. His eyes filled with sorrow.

„Ino..."he said. I hugged him, fighting the tears.

„Congratulations. You're going to be happy, I'm sure of it."

„Yeah..."he murmured. I let him go, smiling. His brown eyes were watching me, eyeing me, taking in every detail on my skin. And then I started crying, sobbing so hard that I couldn't stop shaking. His eyes widened and he came to me, he put his hand on my shoulder, looking at me with such sadness, tears welling up in his eyes. I tried to push him away, but he didn't want to move. „Ino. Stop. Please. Don't. It's...troublesome. Ino, don't."

„I...I'm sorry, Shikamaru, it's just...I am so happy about you!"I tried to fake it, giving him another hug. He hugged me back, sinking his head between my shoulder and neck. He kissed my skin and that made me jump and take a step back. „Shika...maru..."He touched my cheek, caressing it.

„Kiba is a lucky man, Ino."he said, grinning. „Hope he knows that."

„Y...yes, he does."I nodded. Shikamaru smiled, and bowed down to kiss my forehead. I felt something drip on my forehead, my eyes widened in shock. Shikamaru took a step back, wiping his tears away. He smiled at me.

„Maybe in another life"he whispered. "I would make you stay. Ino."

And with it, he turned so quickly to leave.


	2. Burning red

I watched him looking at them. Children. With fathers and mothers.

He watched Satomi and Itachi, smiling, yelling, making fun of Sakura along with Sasuke. I could see how he was lost in thoughts, deep inside his intelligent brown eyes. I could not know what he was thinking, like I could never know with Shikamaru. They were unpredictable, two geniuses with minds mine could never compete with. And Taishi was just four years old.

He solved a puzzle that took me weeks to solve. He does math and other things with such easiness, sighing at my puzzled face. He watches people outside, predicting their moves, talking out loud about the possibilities they had and did not use. But, the main similarity between them was their vocabulary. Troublesome. Word they both loved to say, especially when they had to do something difficult, that included physical activity. Another time was when it came to me.

My own son. He used to call me troublesome. Troublesome for making him clean his room. Troublesome for pushing him to study. Troublesome for ordering around. Troublesome for crying...I didn't cry much these days. For him. His eyes...they were filled with fear and helplessness each time I cried. He did nothing. What could he do? He was so small, and innocent. He acted as my rock, he was strong for my sake. Him and Kiba.

He liked Kiba, he respected him for taking care of me, for loving me. But he was well aware of the fact that Kiba was not his father, even though I never told him that. He was smart enough to conclude it on his own. Still, he called Kiba 'dad', because he didn't want me to suffer, to feel obligated to explain something I didn't want to. He was so young. And yet so much stronger than me. He knew about my state of mind, about painful memories haunting me at night, and he once told me, _he _told_ me_, that maybe, if I imagine a valley where all the people I love are, the nightmares will go away. It made me cry. The same evening, I found out it worked.

I haven't dreamed Shikaku and father for a year.

But...Instead, I dreamed him.

Taishi's father. Nara Shikamaru.

He was still married to Temari, who could not have children and that made them both stressful and angry. Shikamaru because he wanted to forget, to devote himself to that little being, and never again think of everything that troubled him. Shikaku. His mother. Me. Oh, me. He wasn't dumb nor blind. He could see, just like Taishi could see, how similar they were. Same brown eyes, intelligence, pineapple ponytail...Shikamaru's eyes widened the moment he saw me walking with Taishi, our son was two in that time. I still remember how he had watched us, walking side by side. His eyes were wide in disbelief which soon turned into happiness. He'd wanted to approach us, to see his son, but Temari was with him, staring at me in shock, and anger, and hate, and jealousy, and...pain. Pain. Because I had given him a son he so wanted, a son I kept from him, to save us both from suffering. On that same day, Shikamaru came to our house, to have a word with me. Kiba was on a mission so I agreed. It couldn't last forever. The game. Of hide and seek.

They've met. That same night, they've met. And Shikamaru had stayed the night to play shogi with him. To watch him arrange flowers, something he loved so much. We tucked him in, together. And we cried, cried while talking about everything I kept away from him. He did not judge me. No, in fact, he understood. And maybe, because he understood, it came to that...event.

We made love. After two years of being separated, we made love. And I got pregnant. With a girl this time. This time, Shikamaru knows about it. Kiba knows too, and he did not leave us. Her name is Haino. And she's two years old, now. Taishi adores her, even though he thinks she is beyond troublesome. Still, he loves to look after her, yell at boys that make her cry and watch out so she doesn't get hurt. He knows who her father is. Shikamaru often comes to our house, to see them. He usually comes when Kiba's not at home, so we can share some intimate moments. Taishi saw us kissing, once. But he said nothing, instead, he asked me when will Shikamaru-san come again. He knew I was happy around him. Happier then ever.

„Ta..."I opened my mouth to call my son's name, when someone small grabbed my leg. I almost jumped, but when I saw the familiar long black hair and baby-blue eyes, I smiled. „Haino."I greeted my daughter and knelt down beside her, kissing her cheeks. She blushed, hiding her little face. I laughed at her when I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. Shikamaru.

„Hey, Shika."I greeted him. He smiled down at me, then waved to our son. Taishi's face lighted up the moment he saw him and he quickly came to us, hugging Shikamaru. He took his sister's hand, giving us both meaningful looks, and dragging her away to play with Satomi and Itachi. We watched them, both smiling. But soon, the silence became uncomfortable. And Shikamaru was the one to break it.

„How are you, Ino?"he asked, staring right into my eyes. His look was so intense that I just couldn't take it. Not in a place like this. Where people could see us.

„I'm fine, Shikamaru."I said, quickly. „And you?"

He smiled, nodding his head. „Fine, also."he answered. „She made my day, you know. She's such a wonderful girl. Reminds me so much of you."I looked at him. He was staring at them, Haino and Taishi, his eyes full of tears. Tears of happiness. He was so proud of them both. He loved them both so dearly that he could not describe it. We both did.

I looked away, in direction of his and Temari's house. Windows were closed. She was probably out. „How's Temari?"I asked, nonchalantly. Shikamaru's smile died the moment I mentioned her. His expression darkened and his eyes were reflecting the pain he was feeling. For betraying her. For not loving her like she deserved it.

„Not good."he whispered. His voice was distant and cold. „_We_ are not good."his eyes looked my way and paused on my lips. „She knows about us, Ino. I've told her. I told her to leave."he added.

„WHAT?!"I half-yelled. Shikamaru silenced me by putting his hand over my lips, but I pushed it away, getting into his face. „Are you mad, Shikamaru?! She can tell that to Kiba!"

„So what?" He shrugged. I almost slapped him, but then I remembered that our children could see us, so I regained my composure.

„I can't do that to Kiba! He...he was there for me. When you weren't. I had him. He doesn't deserve it."I whispered.

„Ino"Shikamaru started. „You already did this to him. You betrayed him once. I was truly astonished that he decided to stay with you when you had told him about Haino. You already hurt him. And by staying with him, you'll hurt him even more."

„Shikamaru, you don't understand, I..."

„I understand, dammit, I do!"he hissed. I took a step back, angry. He saw the way I was looking at him, and he immediately regretted his words. Yet, he ignored it, and voiced his thoughts. „Temari is not bad woman, Ino. I'm sorry I'm not the man who will make her happy. I love you, and no one else. Marrying her was one of my biggest mistakes. And I told it to her, and her reactions was quiet troublesome...I lost many vases, couple of plates and almost my head."I let out a small laugh, but shut my mouth upon realising how unfair it was towards Temari. I was the one who caused her all that trouble. Me. The woman who was her bridesmaid. I felt like trash.

„Ino."Shikamaru called my name, coming closer. „I want us to be a family. I want you."

I took a step back, shaking my head. Shikamaru was puzzled.

„I...I can't Shika."I said, moving away from him. „I can't. Because of Kiba...I can't. I can fall in love with him. We can be happy. But it won't be like that until I have you near me. Stay back, Shikamaru. Stay back. Return to Temari. For kami-sama's sake, she is your wife." My voice was trembling. My inside hurt. My body...it ached. Ached so much that I could feel pain in my fingertips, lungs, head...My soul was breaking. Tearing up to pieces. Was this the right thing? Shikamaru...

„Ino, you had two years. Two years before I've returned into your life. You could've fallen in love with him and you didn't. Doesn't that mean something, to you?"he asked.

„Shikamaru..."I swallowed. „Take care of the kids today, 'key? I...I have something to do."I turned to leave but he grabbed my hand, spinning me around to face him.

„You're doing it again! Dammit! You troublesome woman! You are running away, again, like four years ago! Stop this silly game of yours and face the reality, Ino. You cannot be happy with Kiba. Stop being so troublesome, just, stop."he yelled. People were staring at us, but in that moment I did not mind. All that mattered to me was to get away.

„Shikamaru."I said, my voice sounded so strong, even though inside I was close to breaking. My father's face...I could see it. After months and months...it came back. Fears and sins always come back. „Let me go. Just...let me go."

He did so.

„You cannot run away from it, Ino."he told me, while I was leaving. I almost stopped and turned around, but my will to do the right thing was stronger. Like his stupidity. „It will always come back to you. Burning red."

And I left. Not even turning back.


	3. We never really moved on

_Ring._

I opened my eye, to see where Temari was, hoping she was near so that I didn't have to rise from this comfortable position on the couch. But she wasn't anywhere near. Troublesome woman.

_Ring. Ring._

„Temari?"I called. But there was no answer.

_Ring. Ring. Riiiiiing._

I groaned, rolling over to try and get the phone without rising. I was so close to it, so, so close, when it fell under the table. I sighed and slapped myself.

„Troublesome phone."I whispered. „Why did people invent phones, anyway? It would've been much easier if there were no phones...Huh. No. Then people would come to each other's houses. And that would mean that I would have to walk to the door to open them. Troublesome. Walking is troublesome."

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Ring. Riiiiiiiiing._

I watched the phone with laziness. It vibrated his way towards me. I couldn't help myself, so gave it a winning smirk. When it came close enough, I grabbed it and answered.

„Nara residence."I yawned.

„_Shikamaru?_"

I rose in the sitting position the moment I heard her voice. My heart throbbing in my chest and I felt it coming in my throat. I stopped breathing for a moment, concentrating myself on the soft sobs coming from the other side. Creeps passed my spine. She was crying. Ino cried only when she was extremely sad or when someone dear to her was in trouble. I swallowed, hard, before speaking again.

„Ino?"

She sobbed into the headphone, snuffing. „_Shikamaru..."_she called me again. „_He's leaving."_

My eyes widened on the thought of my five-year-old son leaving his mother. Walking away into the unknown. All alone. With her and Haino crying over him. Dammit. I hope he's not so impulsive. That temper...he inherited it from her.

„Taishi? Where? How, why?"I asked, looking around the room to make sure Temari wasn't nowhere near. I didn't need to see her upset and hurt face, not now.

„_Taishi's fine, Shikamaru! For kami-sama's sake!"_she yelled, still sobbing. Relief washed over me. He was fine. But then, why is she crying?

„Ino, what's wrong? Tell me."

She cried and cried...until she managed to control her sobs. „_Kiba. He...he has accepted a...a..."_she burst into tears before finishing the sentence. I sighed. Troublesome. This will lead us nowhere if she continues. Troublesome...just way much troublesome.

„What did he do, Ino?"I asked, sounding a bit angry. „Hurry up and tell me. Otherwise, I won't be able to help you."

„_You can't!"_she whispered. „_He already left! For an...A-rank mission! Shikamaru, I don't want him to die...no, Shika! He didn't deserve it! Shikamaru..."_

Dearest hell. How it hit me. Her helplessness. Her pleading tone and tears that couldn't stop flowing. She was broken. It took her five years to finally collect herself, and now here she is again, broken, ruined, living through hell like when Inoichi had died. Dammit. And Kiba...he knew that if she ever again loses herself, it will take much more time for her to recover than before. In other words, she will never again be the same. She didn't want him to die. She cared for him in one way, only known to her, but the main reason why she didn't want it...was because she didn't want to be haunted again.

„Ino, listen."I said, my voice trembling. Dammit. Why did I have to sound so weak?! „We can't do anything now. But I'm sure Kiba will return."_Lies. Filthy lies. An A-rank mission...it was a death penalty._

„_Shikamaru!"_she screamed, it burned my ears. „_Why?! Why did he do that?! I thought he cared! I thought he would never do that! Not him! Maybe you, but not him..."_she sobbed. Her voice was ringing in my ears. '_Not him! Maybe you, but not him...'_. Why? Was I so...cruel? Was that her opinion on me, the man she loved above all? Ino...

„He'll be fine, I'm sure of it."I whispered. My voice was kinda losing itself, becoming weaker and weaker with each second. I had to hang up. And go there. Take her in my arms and let it all out. She shouldn't be alone. Taishi and Haino shouldn't be alone. „I'll be there in couple minutes, okay? Just...don't do anything stupid, Ino."I warned her.

She snuffed, and spoke through sobs. „_Just hurry, Shika...maru...I can't...I need you! I...love you."_My heart warmed up when I heard the last three words. I smiled, gently, as if she could see me.

„Don't worry. I love you too. Ino."I said before hanging up. My feet found themselves on the floor and I stood up, ready to leave, when I saw her standing there, on the doorway to the living room.

Her brown eyes were staring at me in shock...pain, and anger. Mostly anger. I saw tears in them. She was fighting to stay strong. And I had no time to console her. I made my way through the door, passing her by. Her head fell to her chest when I turned my back on her. It wasn't my fault. I've told her I can't love her. Not the way she wants. I told her I'll be there for Ino each time she calls. It was up to her...and she obviously didn't...couldn't accept it.

I opened the door of our house, ready to step out, when I heard her speak, hissing in anger. I was sure she was cursing me under her breath.

„She...she's not worth it. And still, you always end up choosing her. You baka. You...bastard."her voice was trembling, in anger. I sighed, raising my head to look towards the baby-blue sky. The color of Ino's eyes.

„I can't help it. Temari."I sighed. „I guess we never really moved on." I closed the door behind me and hurried to Ino's house, not even thinking about Temari, not having any regrets. Ino was love. Ino was...everything.


	4. Into the fire on my own

_Ino,_

_You're probably reading this...Yeah, you are, I'm such an idiot. To even think that I could come alive from an A-rank mission. Hah..._

_...I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry, Ino. I didn't want this. But look at this from a bright side. It is my gift to you. Because, Ino, Tsunade-sama...she wanted to assign this mission to Shikamaru. But...I couldn't let him die. For you, Ino-chan. I didn't want you to suffer. You can deal with my death, I wasn't that important, not the way he is. And by allowing him to go on that mission...it would've been as if I signed a contract with the devil to forever watch you suffer. Not just you, but your children. Yours and his. I couldn't allow...to see them growing up without father. Taishi...seeing him in pain would've been unbearable for me. Seeing you and Haino..._

_Don't cry, Ino. Don't. Instead, smile! Smile for your children! Smile for the life you have ahead of you! For Shikamaru! Smile for me, Ino...Remember all the happy memories we created together. Remember...remember that time when I asked you out?! Oh, it still makes me laugh! How Akamaru licked your face! Haha, you seemed so angry, that I thought it would've been better for me to leave, but...You stayed. And decided to go out with me. Ino..._

_I know you didn't love me. I mean, not as much as you loved Shikamaru. I _was_ precious to you, I know that. But, what you felt for me wasn't love. And you know that, don't you? You just didn't want to leave me because I was there when you needed someone. That wasn't selfish Ino. You sacrificed your happiness for me. You didn't realise that all I really wanted was to see you happy! Silly you, Ino-chan, silly you._

_Now you have a chance. Don't blew it. Shikamaru loves you, and he deserves you. _

_So...this is it. Say goodbye to Taishi and Haino, kiss them both. And..._

_Just...just one more thing, Ino, okay? _

_Promise me. Promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful, still bright, still colorful. And...promise me to look back at us as a time in your life you enjoyed. Promise me...Ino-chan._

_...Goodbye. _

_Kiba_

I grabbed my chest as I fell to my knees. I was shaking, my whole body was shaking, and I clenched my fists to try and suppress it all. Inside. Where it would be safe. I had no tears left, but sometimes...I would let out a small sob. My breathing was shallow, my forehead and hands were sweating. I could hear my heart throbbing in my ears, and I couldn't do anything to outvoice it. It was beating...unlike his. His heart would never beat again, not now, when he is six feet under the ground. Under the ground...

Because of me.

Because of me he was dead. Because of me, Shikamaru went back to her.

Oh, yes, I did another stupidity.

I told him to leave. Blamed him for my troubles when he came to help me. And I still don't know why I did that...For whom? For him? For me? Baka.

Baka. Baka. Baka!

It was just an excuse. All those 'I did it for you/me/him/her because of this/that'...those were just stupid excuses. Because I was weak.

Weak...Yes. Weak. My dad died in that war and I had no one left. I sank myself in self-pity. Into nothingness. I thought my life was over, and I acted like that. Always choosing the easiest solution, I didn't ever stop to think, I just...did things, accepting everything, not feeling anything, until I came to the breaking point. Because escaping was easier, less painful, and I thought I was saving myself from pain in that time, that I was doing it right. But no. Leaving him...Shikamaru, was the stupidest thing I have ever did.

I can pity myself. Mourn over past and fear of my destiny. Or I can finally stand up...and fight for him. Not just for myself. For our children.

Dad...and Kiba. They both wanted me to be happy. They both died so I could be happy. And so I have to...if not for myself and my children, I have to do it for them. So that their deaths won't be in vain.

Ino-the-cry-baby must leave. I'm a mother now, not a child anymore. And so I have to act like that.

I have to go...into the fire on my own.


	5. Everything's made to be broken

I sat there, waiting. Waiting for my judgement to be told. My hour of darkness. Troublesome. I was such an idiot. Baka, real baka, like Ino would say. I hated pitying, and here I was, sitting under the stairs of my house, pitying myself, cursing myself on the inside. It was the first time in those five years that I wasn't cursing her. Ino. Because...Now I realise that all this...it wasn't just her fault. She didn't put an end to us.

I did it. Me, the genius Nara Shikamaru. It was...I was more than troublesome.

She shoved me away on the day Kiba left, it's true. She also said some things that are still ringing in this stupid mind of mine. And so I close my eyes, just to hear it. Her voice.

... „_It's all because of you! If you didn't marry her, none of this would've happened!"_

_... „What kind of man you are, Shikamaru?! To come each time I call you just to...just to pity me! That...That's all you do, baka, that's all you do! You pity me!"_

_... „You can't even help yourself and you're offering me your shoulder as a rock I can cling onto?!"_

I smiled bitterly, opening my eyes. She was right. I can't even help myself. And I left her house, on that day, I left, all angry and miserable. I needed...I needed someone. Who wouldn't make me feel useless. Who would give me his all. And she was the only one I could remember. My woman. Temari. So I came home. I...I just grabbed her arm and pushed her to our bedroom without saying anything. I was so fierce, emotionless, and she didn't protest. She was...happy. And all the while...I wasn't even thinking about her. I was thinking about Ino, doing it to prove her my worth, to prove her I was a real man who did not need her. I did it in defiance. To her. I regretted it the next morning, but...my genius mind didn't think...That she could get pregnant. Chances for her to have children were small, but not impossible. And I never even thought about it! About her! She thinks I've changed my mind and chose her, she doesn't know she was just a puppet. Puppet that helped me to empty my pain...on that cursed night.

She didn't get her period the next month. Nor this. We thought it was normal in her condition, none of us was a medical-nin so we allowed ourselves to sleep in peace. Until a week ago, when morning sicknesses started.

I...I was such a trash. To think...to hope that she isn't pregnant, when all she's ever wanted was to have my child...What kind of man am I? To hate upon my unborn child. I could just cry over my stupidity, over my miserable life...over the kind of man that I've become. Weakling. Trash. Piece of shit. That is who I am.

And that is why I'm sitting here, in the darkness of my own home, while waiting for her to finish the test. Because...I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. My pain. My guilt. My choices. My whole life. My old man...he would've been ashamed of me.

I heard the doors of our bathroom opening and I quickly rose to my feet in impatience, staring at Temari with hope. Hope so different than hers. Hope so wrong...Her expression was emotionless that I almost sighed in relief, taking it as 'no'. But then, out of sudden, she jumped on me, hugging my shoulders.

And so my mind stopped thinking.

„We're going to be parents, Shikamaru! Baka, I'm pregnant!"she cried into my ear.

Parents. Pregnant.

Numb. I was numb. Numb the whole time she was clinging onto me. Numb even when she let me go. Numb until...I took a look at her stomach. Grasping a thought that there...There was life inside. Life I've created...out of hate, need, bitterness, anger...Life I created in defiance. Not love. Not even close to...love.

I burst into tears and knelt down, hugging her stomach, screaming and sobbing like a baby. I felt her hands wrap around me, but I didn't really care. I cried for this child. For the destiny I doomed him on. For hoping that he or she wasn't there, that it will never be born. God...But, most of all, I cried because it will never be loved. By me. Not the way ones child should be. He...or she...will be a constant reminder...on my biggest mistake.

Oh, how I cried! Feeling the weight of guilt on my shoulders, on my heart and on my soul. I wanted to hurt myself so badly for not wanting this innocent being. God! Why?! Why am I...such a horrible person?! Why...?

I was...disgusted with myself. So disgusted that I wanted to flay my skin and let myself bleed...bleed until it was enough painful...then die. I sank my fingers into my shoulder, in order to accomplish my plans. But for him...I couldn't do it for him.

„I am so sorry! So, so sorry! Forgive me!"I sobbed, screaming those words while hoping that my child could hear me...that it could forgive me. I kissed Temari's stomach and began to cry even more. Her voice...she thought I was saying those words to her...but I could't hear her. Because of Ino. Her voice...her sweet voice...her image and her fragrance...My Ino. My troublesome Ino. But I...I can't leave this child. No. I have to redeem to it, for every bad feeling I've ever felt for it. This child deserves a father, good father. And I...I can't leave. Not now. Not when this little being is here. It needs me.

Oh, god, it needs me! I...Ino will understand. She always understands.

Ino!

I sobbed even harder...Why?! Is this...the price I have to pay for my sins?! Asuma! Asuma! Just...Help me, Asuma! Save me, Asuma! I...I don't want to go through this torture, I, I was never strong enough!

„Asuma..."I whispered with my lips pressed onto Temari's stomach. I was hopeless. Lost. With no way out. This little...this little king...My king! King I created without love...Asuma! Asumaaaaaaa!

I bowed down in front of Temari, crying with my eyes wide open, whispering Asuma's name under my breath.

And I...I made a promise to myself. To make this child, this poor innocent child...the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. I kissed the floor, as I set my forehead against it. I felt blood gathering in my mouth. I bit my lower lip so hard. Just to bleed. Just to know I am alive. And so...I knew. That indeed, everything was made to be broken.

My whole life.

* * *

**Author's note: **Hey, I just wanted to thank you all for your reviews, they mean so much to me! And, well, I wanted to ask you, if you know about some good songs I can use in chapters that are following? If you do, please, tell me. You can send me a PM or you can write it in a review :)


	6. Not strong enough to stay away

„_Hey, Ino."I heard my father's voice as the doors of the flower shop closed. I smiled, imagining my mother's flustered face. I would't be amazed if she did something stupid, like, fell of the chair or anything like that. She was so clumsy these days. Especially when someone mentioned father's name in front of her._

„_H-hey, Shika!"she greeted him, embarrassment obvious in her voice. I sighed, covering my face with my free hand while holding the vase in my other hand. Troublesome. Way too troublesome. „H-how can I help you?"_

„_I came to buy some seeds. Temari wants to plant some flowers, so that our house looks more...like...home."His voice was distant. Lost. He spoke with such sadness that it almost made me choke upon hearing him speak. Otosan...something wasn't right._

„_Oh!"mother squealed. Of course she didn't notice. She was too puzzle-headed by his presence. My troublesome mother. „Which seeds would you like, Shikamaru? We have rose seeds, orchids, forget-me-not se–"_

„_Lilies."he cut her off. „Just give me lilies, Ino." Mother nodded and went to grab them. I pressed myself more into the door frame of our storeroom, hoping that they won't notice me. I didn't want to ruin this moment._

„_Here."mother said. I heard bag rustling as she offered it to my father. He thanked her, quietly and gave her money. I thought I will hear his steps and the door closing, but my father did not move. No._

„_Shika..."mum yelled as he grabbed her hand, pulling her closer over the counter, pressing their lips together into a fierce kiss. I was supposed to giggle or do something to show how happy I was, but...something just didn't seem right. Father's face. He didn't come to win her over. To claim her. He has come to say goodbye._

_They separated. He took a step back from the counter, staring at the tears which were dripping on the counter just a while ago. His tears. Mum was still staring at him. Shocked. She must've felt it all...his bitterness, his apology, his agony. She must've felt it all in just one kiss._

„_Shika...maru...?"she spoke. Her voice was strong. I almost cried out for her. She...I better liked it when she was crying. When she was all broken and helpless. At least then...at least then I knew what she was feeling! Dammit, dad! Dammit! Dammit!_

_They were both silent for a moment. Until my father decided it was better to speak. Oh, how I wish he didn't._

„_Temari..."he whispered. „She is pregnant, Ino. With my child."_

_It fell._

_I watched it falling. Knowing I couldn't do anything to save it. And it broke. Into thousand pieces. Just like my mother's heart._

_It was shattered. Never to be repaired again._

„_Oh..."I heard her saying. „Oh. Cong...Congratulations, Shikamaru! You...you are finally going to have a baby, with her. I...I am so happy. For...both of you."_

„_Thank you, Ino."_

„_G-give my congratulations to Temari, too."_

„_I...I will."_

_And with it, my father has left the shop._

_Dammit. Otosan. Dammit! Dammit you! D...dammit you!_

* * *

„Temari-san"I called my stepmother. She moved her strict brown eyes from the meal she was cooking and raised her eyebrows at me. I sighed, smiling to her.

„Mum said you're pregnant."I yawned. I was leaning on the kitchen's door frame, with hands in pockets, staring at the flowers Temari has planted on the window sill. Lilies. My mother's favorite. I took a look at her with the corner of my eye. I doubt she has bought the seeds for them, she didn't even know where was mother's flower shop. Hn. Crazy woman. She sent my father, eight weeks ago, to my mother's shop. To hurt her. To break her. To show her she couldn't be beaten. Okasan was left speechless when otosan told her this...woman, was pregnant. Even I broke the vase I was holding. I almost curled up in a ball, cursing my father. His expression was broken. He just took the seeds she had given him and ran. Ran, and ran, like there was no tomorrow. Those lilies...they are eight weeks old, I could tell. But it didn't matter. I wasn't here for them. But for my mother. Okasan...

I've never seen my mother more broken in my whole life.

She wasn't crying. No. She was smiling. The whole day. The whole time. As if nothing has happened. She stopped ordering around. She was...nice. Normal. Like every other woman. My Okasan.

And so I told my little sister, while she was crying for her father. I told her I will make our mother's worries go away.

That I will make this woman go away.

I'm just not strong enough to stay away.

I didn't realise I was clenching my fists, so I quickly got my hands out of my pocket and put them on the back of my head.

„Hai."evil woman said. She stopped with every work she was doing and pressed her hands over her stomach. „I am pregnant."she said, smiling to the child inside. I was looking at her the whole time, wondering what was in that mind of hers. Of course, I had my theory. Every Nara man has a theory.

„You're going to be brother again, Taishi."

I hmphed. She turned towards me, startled. My coldness obviously surprised her.

„It has been two months, Temari-san."I said, staring at the lilies. „And you haven't even bloated."

She was puzzeled. Her eyes wide in astonishment. Anger. I could see it welling up in them. Like I predicted. She was loosing it.

„N-nani?!"she asked, turning her whole body towards me. „What are you talking about, kid? You-!"

I moved away from the door frame, facing her. I put on my most innocent expression, oh, how disgusting. I hated acting like I was a sweet little child. Momma's baby...Yuck. But this woman...she deserved to see that yucky expression of mine.

„Temari-san,"I spoke, acting as if I didn't mean anything bad. Oh, hell I didn't! „I...I'm just worried for you. For my brother. I mean...did you see the doctor since you found out you were pregnant? W-what if something bad happened to my onii-chan? That would kill my father."

The fire in her eyes went down. It was replaced by shock. „T-Taishi!"

„Yes, Temari-san! You know your condition is bad, so, why didn't you go to see the doctor? Sakura-san, she can take a look at you! Please, Temari-san. For otosan. For onii-chan."I yelled, at the verge of crying. She was...left speechless wasn't so good to describe her condition. She was lost in thoughts. Teary-eyed. She knew I was right. It will just take time until she decides. The right thing. I wiped the tears that were starting to fall from my eyes. Dammit. This wasn't planned. But, hey, if it makes the heart of this cruel woman melt...then it's worth it.

„Temari-san..."I whispered. Her watery eyes fixed upon me. „Sakura-san is in hospital today. I'm sure she'll take a look at onii-chan."I said with a smile. Cruel woman nodded, her chin shaking. Crap. She'll start crying.

„T-thank you. Taishi."she said. I nodded and turned to leave.

I ran and ran and ran, just like my father did on the day he left my mother hopeless. But I...I ran because I knew the weight of my doings. I just ruined one life. Forever.

She wasn't pregnant. She couldn't be. Sakura-san told me her condition was serious, that she can never have children. Never. There was not even a possibility. But Temari-san...she couldn't accept it and so she told my otosan that there is a small chance. Because she wanted someone to hope along with her.

I ruined her life. By facing her with the harsh truth. Just because...

It's killing me when otosan's away. And mum wants to leave and wants to stay. She's so confused, it's so hard for her to choose. Between the pleasure an the pain.

And I know what I did is wrong. And I know it's right. But I tried to win the fight.

My heart overruled my mind.

Because I'm not strong enough...to stay away.


	7. The reason is you

I heard the doors closing. She was home. After hours and hours of waiting for her, she comes now, almost in the noon. She didn't even leave a message. She just left, early in the morning. At first I thought she has left, never to come back, but her clothes were here. And I was finally glad to know that nothing's happened to my child.

I raised from the couch, coming to greet her, to help her if she needed something.

And I froze in the doorway, staring at her.

She was red, from crying. And tears were still streaming down her face. Her eyes were swollen. Chin trembling, arms wrapped around her stomach. She was dirty. All over. There was blood and dirt, even sand. Her hair was messed up, her lipstick besmeared. She...she was a real mess.

I gulped, afraid to come close. Afraid to hear...afraid to know...My child...Is it...?

„Temari"I called her name. She raised her head to look at me, bursting into tears when her eyes met mine. My heart stopped. I pressed my nails into the skin on my palms, gripping my teeth as my eyes filled with tears. Tears I didn't want to cry. „W-what happened? Why...Why are you...why are you...?"

She smirked, hissing at the same time. I watched her, wondering if she has gone mad. She so wanted this child...loosing it would break her. She would be lost. Forever. In the world in which no one would've been able to reach her. Not even me.

She started laughing. So hard. Her hands never leaving her belly. Her expression was broken, but still she continued to laugh. In my face. I felt hot tears coming down my cheeks. I even bit my lip so I wouldn't sob. How sorry I was...for her. For my child. For not being there...But...who did this?! Why?! Why would anyone...My king...

„Temari"my voice was gentle. I tried to reach her by offering help. But she cut me off before I could even speak.

„You only care for the child, don't you?!"she screamed. I let out a soft sob, then covered my mouth to suppress it. She watched me, angry, mad. She moved her hands from the belly and buried them in her hair, screaming at me. „You never even cared for me, did you?! You only cared about her! Why were you with me all these years?! Oh...Because she had that dog lover who is dead! Dead! Gone! Never because I needed you! Never!"

„Temari..."

„STOP!"she screamed, threatening me with her hand. „Just stop! I don't want to hear it! No! I know it, I know it all! You never loved me! You never chose me! You slept with me because she threw you out like some piece of cloth she didn't need anymore! And who would want you?! Oh, good old Temari whom you married! You married me! Out of what?! PITY?! IS THAT WHAT YOU FEEL FOR ME?! PITY?!"

„Temari, I do not pity you!"I raised my voice, anger boiling inside me. God dammit, she was crazy.

„But you don't love me either. That's the point Shikamaru! That's the point!"her voice began to break. And I just stood there, watching her, not even caring. Her pain...somehow it didn't touch me. Not a bit. Not how it should touch a man who loves his woman. But still, I cried. For that poor child. To have such a selfish mother like her.

„What have you done to it?"I asked, voice trembling. She laughed on my words. She laughed and laughed and laughed...And I was slowly becoming impatient.

„To the baby?"she said, grimacing. Fresh tears fell down her cheeks as she moved her hands to hug her belly again. Soft sobs came from her mouth. I watched her, waiting for the answer she was avoiding. But then, she said it, in just one breath. „There is no baby Shikamaru! I'm sick! I...imagined it! I imagined it all! Because I so wanted...to have a son with you!"

...It all came. Falling apart.

Astonished. I was astonished.

All this time I feared...For nothing?! For something that wasn't even there. For some stupid imaginary child this woman has created. I screamed, almost hitting her, but she moved away, falling to her knees and I ended up hitting the wall.

Oh, how it overwhelmed me. Pain. Such a beautiful pain. I moaned, feeling it spread through my arm, reaching my heart and ending in my soul. How beautiful...how beautiful...to finally be able to throw it all away. I felt so light, so easy. Free. Free from any weight. There was no guilt. Everything was a lie.

I moved my hand, seeing the blood dripping, but I didn't care. I stared at her...this...woman. I spitted that word with despise. She was not wort it. Not worth of any feeling coming from me. She didn't even deserve my deepest hate and pity. Ugly. Ugly woman. Woman who should've burned in hell. I should kill her...but no. She wasn't worth it. Staining my hands with her blood. Trash. She was trash, not me. She was idiot and jerk, more than I was. Oh, how did I despise her! For making me...for breaking me down! Making me think I made her pregnant, gave her child which I didn't even love! She made me a fool, stole my life! Two months! Two months I could've spent with the woman who deserved me, whom I loved, and with children which were mine _and _existing.

'Don't hate her, she's sick!' Yeah, that was something Ino would say. But this wasn't about her. This was about me and this trash kneeling beside me. If she wasn't a woman, I would've hit her so hard, making sure to never again see her walking. But, even if she wasn't, I wouldn't do it. For Ino.

„Shikamaru..."she sobbed, reaching for me. I took a step back, avoiding her hand. She stared at me, shocked, with broken expression. „Shikamaru!"

„Leave."I spitted, emotionlessly.

She gasped. „But..."

„I. Said. Leave."I hissed, trying so hard to control myself and not to scream. Ino. Ino wouldn't want that. She would even help her. Troublesome woman. She sure was troublesome.

„I have nowhere to go, Shikamaru! Please...can't you just give me another chance?! SHIKAMARU!"she screamed, reaching for me again.

„Another chance?"I smiled, bitterly. „Another chance? Oh, Temari, you sure know how to make a man laugh."

„Shikamaru..."

„LEAVE!"I screamed with eyes wide open. „Leave! And never come back! Near me! Near Ino nor my children! LEAVE!"

She buried her face in her hands and curled up in a ball. She was whispering, cursing me, cursing Ino and everything. She was lost. Damn. I even pitied her for a mere second.

I crossed her curled up body and went to the door. I was just about to run out, but I stopped, to tell her things.

„You have two days. But you can hope...that Ino will save you. She wouldn't let you ruin yourself. It's not her."

And I closed the door.

I started running. Running to my life.

I ran.

Ran. Ran and ran...Feeling light. Crying. Tears of happiness. Tears of freedom. Oh, I was free of every torture. So light, so happy...fulfilled. Beautiful...it was so beautiful.

I bumped into people. Apologizing, not stopping, and all of them smiled at me, at my happy face. Face of a man who was finally free.

I saw Choji walking with his wife. I greeted them and ran past them, leaving them both speechless, puzzled. I ran past Uzumaki Hinata and her son. Past Sasuke and Satomi. Itachi. TenTen and Lee. Nijito. Past everyone. Except the one I loved the most.

Oh, I will never again run past her. I swear.

I stormed into the flower shop. Heart beating fast. She was there. Behind the counter. Arranging flowers. Humming a soft melody. Haino's lullaby. How beautiful. She was so beautiful.

I stormed towards her, leaving the door wide open. She turned around just to see me jumping over the counter, taking her in my arms and kissing her. Kissing her. Yamanaka Ino who smelled of lilies. No.

Nara Ino. Nara Ino who smelled of lilies.

I am not a perfect person. There's many thing's I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to her. This woman. This woman whose kiss made my heart move, beat like crazy. Made my eyes water, and my lips smile. And I just want her to know...I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over knew...And the reason is her.

She broke the kiss, her eyes full of tears. I caressed her face with my fingers, kissing her eyes.

„Shikamaru..."she whispered, but I cut her off.

„I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Ino. That I hurt you. It's something I must live with everyday. All the pain I put you through...Ino I wish I could take it all away. Now I'm here. To catch your tears. No, to make them never come out again. That's why I need you to hear, that I found a reason! For me! You Ino! You are my reason! My reason to show you a side of me you didn't know, reason for all that I do! You, Ino, you!"I screamed.

„Shikamaru...Temari, your son..." I shook my head.

„There is no Temari, no child, she lied!"I yelled. „Ino. I love you. You are the only thing that matters. You and our children. Ino I...I love you. I've never loved you more in my life."

She smiled. And locked our lips together for the second time.

It was full of loniging, feeling we held inside all this time. It all came out in that one kiss.

...I was finally free.


	8. I think I wanna marry you

She was fast asleep there, beside me, in our bed. God, she was so beautiful.

Her blonde hair was scattered all over the bed, her smell captivating. Her pale skin was so soft, like silk. And her lips...so...kissable. So full. They were slightly opened, like they really wanted to invite my tongue to enter. God. I so wanted to...My thought's were interrupted by her whispers. She rolled over, sighing, calling Taishi's name, speaking about Haino and complaining on my laziness. 'Lazy-bum'. Yeah, lazy bum. She was using it again, that name. Something that marked our childhood, well, mine, to tell the truth. Lazy-bum. God, I loved that nickname. Because she gave it to me, yes, this woman who was sleeping next to me, being troublesome even in her sleep.

She hit me. Right in the jaw, like she read my thoughts.

Dammit.

„Troublesome."I complained, moving away to give her space and massaging the sore spot. Dammit. This woman sure knows how to hit.

I sighed and laid back on the bed, with hands beneath my head.

It has been seven months. Seven months since I divorced Temari, Naruto did all the paperwork and just made us sign. I was surprised by the work he did, but later, I realised, by the formality of the person who wrote it and excellent way of expressing, and also great spelling skills, I realised it wasn't the work of our fresh Hokage. But his wife, Uzumaki Hinata. Naruto just smiled, awkwardly when I asked him about it. God, silly Naruto. Same fool as always.

But fool you couldn't help but...care about.

Anyway, my divorce with that...woman, passed without serious problems. She was all miserable, pale-faced, staring at me with penitent eyes. I was avoiding every eye contact, as much as I could. I didn't want to watch her,see her. Not after everything she's done to me. And Ino.

...But I will never forget her words.

'_She's not worth this, Shikamaru. I'll...You'll see. One day.'_

I'll see...What? What will I see? Troublesome. I felt cold for a moment, but shoved those thoughts away. She was gone. Back to Suna, never to come back. She had to be.

And Ino was here. She was fine. And she was with me. Taishi was here. Haino was here.

...Everyone was here. Alive.

„Shikamaruuuu..."she said. Her morning voice brought smile to my face. I turned to look at her, her eyes were still half closed, but I could tell she was staring at me. She yawned, letting out a puppy-like sound and stretching herself. Again, she hit my jaw. And didn't apologize.

„Ne, what time is it, Shikamaru?"she asked, staring at the ceiling.

„I don't know."I said, massaging my sore spot for God knows which time this morning. „Troublesome."I whispered.

„How can you not know?!"she screamed. She was mad. God, how could she be mad so early in the morning?! Dammit, it wasn't even nine. Troublesome. So, so troublesome.

„It's eight, Ino, eight."I said, sighing.

Oh, mother of God, how I regretted it.

„EIGHT?!"her scream...I was 99,9% positive it made all the villagers wake up. Her morning voice wasn't even near to 'cute'. It was...Troublesome. Loud. Too loud for my ears. I sighed. Again. „Eight?! Oh, Shikamaru, why didn't you wake me up?!"she said and jumped out of the bed, causing me to almost fall over. Geez. I actually had to stop myself from falling, geez.

She stormed to the bathroom, not even caring about me. It made me jealous. Whatever was so important that made her get up this late, made me so jealous. Shit.

„Ino, what is so important?"I yelled so she could hear me.

„There is a couple!"she yelled in frustration. „They are coming to the flower shop to pick the flowers for their wedding! Dammit, I cannot be laaaate! SHIKAMARU! Do something! Stop time, whatever! You are a genius, not me!"

I rolled my eyes. „I'm too lazy."I responded.

„You are what?! SHIKAMARU!"

„Sorry, Ino, I cannot help you."I said. Dammit, she was so sensitive this morning.

„Shikamaru, they are going to hate me if I don't get there on time!"she complained. God dammit! What can I do? „What time is it?!"

I looked at the clock with the corner of my eye. It was 8:15. She wouldn't like it. And that's why I said: „Still eight, honey."

„Oh, thank God!"she said in relief. I smiled on my genius idea. At least it will keep her from yelling. But I was wrong. She ran out of the bathroom, still in her pajamas, staring at me in...scary anger. Dammit. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

„Shikamaru."she said my name in such a damn troublesome tone. But it sounded kinda sexy, though. „You said it was eight..."she took a look at the watch, her eyes wide. „Fifteen minutes ago! Dammit!" She picked her clothes from the floor and ran back to the bathroom, still complaining. God, this was so frustrating. But...maybe, if I make her angry enough...she'll...Nah. She's not in the mood.

But then, it occured to me.

The couple. They were engaged. Engagement, that's something that makes every woman happy, right? Then maybe...She gets what she wants, and I know she wants it, and I...I get my reward. Children get all fluffy...Sakura's squealing, friends come over to celebrate...wedding preparations. Troublesome. I moaned. But...it's gotta be worth it. Naruto said it worked in his case. Wait, I am really going to listen to his advice?

...

...

Yes.

„Yo, Ino."I called her, lazily. She ran out of the bathroom, in search for her shoes. She was lovely, in that purple black outfit of hers. Hot. Dammit, Shikamaru, be quick. „Ino."I called again.

„What is it Shikamaruuu?"she asked, nervous, still looking for her shoes. Dammit, they were obviously more important than me.

So I decided to say it straight in the head, without any prepatations.

„Ino, I think I wanna marry you."

She froze and turned her head towards me, mouth wide open, eyes also wide. It was kinda insulting. Pfft. I would've asked her to marry me, anyway, not just because she mentioned that couple and I was like...horny. I would've asked her. In a year. Maybe two...three. Four. Seven...Maybe ten...But I definitely would've.

„W-what did you say?"she asked. Her eyes filled with tears. Dammit! Naruto never warned me about this. Troublesome.

„I think I wanna marry you."I repeated.

There was a short silence. I swallowed, my insides were burning. And her face was...still shocked. And then...

„YOU THINK?! YOU THINK?!"she screamed. I jumped when I saw her coming closer. But I couldn't escape, she jumped on me.

...And started hugging me. And kissing me. And...God, this was good.

„So, where's the ring?"she squealed, between kisses. Ring? Oh, shit.

„Eeeermmm...I forgot about it."I said, kissing her again, hoping to make her forget, but she pushed me away.

„You don't have a ring?!"she asked.

I scratched my head. „Well technically..."

She rose from the bed and ran to the door.

„Ino!"I screamed. Injustice!

„I will marry you."she said, smiling while putting on her shoes. I smiled back, hoping to get...something. „But you'll get nothing without a ring."

And with it she was out.

Dammit.


	9. I'll love you for a thousand more

He was standing there, behind that wall of glass.

I could see him, as if he was indeed there. I knew he was dead, long gone, and I knew that those who died cannot come back. But then, why was he here? I couldn't bear myself to ask him, to be honest, the idea of talking with him didn't even cross my mind. I wanted to spend the time...watching him.

Yes, I was watching him. Comparing this man here with the man I've known for years. He hasn't changed, not even for a bit, I would say, on the first look. But his face...it no longer seemed tired and affected by years. He looked somewhat peaceful, as if he has never seen or been in a war. But still, his eyes held the same wisdom, buried somewhere deep. He looked as the man I used to know. He did, but on the inside, I didn't know if he was still the same.

Death changes people, they tell. Then is this man in the mirror the same person he was six years ago? Did death indeed change him? Then, will it change me?

He sighed, scratching his head. His eyes travelled across my whole body, and landed on my eyes. He watched them, like he was trying to see through me, into my soul. His eyes. They filled with tears, tears he would never be able to cry. I've never seen him crying, nor did I ever see him with tears in his eyes. It was...a rare thing. He blinked, to shove the tears away, his expression changing. It was back to his usual, strict, and geniusly-uninterested expression, the one I will always remember. And I was able to tell, that he was indeed proud of me.

„You look like a man in that tuxedo."he said. His voice...it was the same.

I raised my eyebrows, kinda surprised by his statement. And I ended up smiling. „It's nice to see you. Old man."I replied. My voice...It made him jump a little and I noticed how his eyes slightly widened. I was a man now. I was different from that teenager he still remembered. I was different and he wasn't there, he couldn't watch me changing, growing up, he couldn't be there when his grandchildren needed a grandfather, and he can't truly be here, with me, on my big day. And the fact that I was watching him in that mirror, while waiting for Choji to call me out, made me realise how I missed him.

I needed a father, when I was married to Temari, I needed a father, to tell me what's right and what is wrong, to show me how. I needed him to play shogi with me. I just needed him. A father. A figure. Someone to watch and someone to learn from.

„How's Yoshino? Is she fine, Shikamaru?"he asked, regret obvious in his voice. He loved her. He always did and always will. And she loved him, and that's something I have truly learned when he died. She was broken, but fought to stay standing, for him, because she knew he wouldn't want to see her crying every day, to see her living each day like she was the one who had died. She was a strong woman. And I was ashamed for never showing her love, not even close to what she deserved.

„She's fine. She misses you."I said.

He smiled. „Good to know. And how's the deer? Is she feeding him? Troublesome. I hope she didn't sell him or make sausages out of him. Dammit! Poor deer. That troublesome woman..."

„Deer is fine."I smiled. „She's taking care of him." Relief washed over him.

„Good."he nodded. „Good." His eyes grew distant. They filled with tears, again. And with love. Love for my troublesome mother. „Tell her...I'm sorry. And say 'hi' to her. And to Inoichi's little girl,too."he rolled his eyes and slapped himself. I was just watching, slightly confused.

„That man told me to say this to you: 'Watch over her, you Nara! Or else I will...' Now comes the line about beating the shit out of you, but since it's your wedding day, I'll tell you he'll sink you in flowers, it seems appropriate. Hn."

I sighed. „Troublesome. Indeed troublesome." But he just shrugged his shoulders.

„Don't worry about that old flower-fairy. Just marry that girl. Say 'hi' to Choza for us. And expand the clan son, expand the clan. Two grandchildren aren't enough, make Yoshino busy with them. Trust me, your life will be easier."

„Geez, old man."I said, slapping myself. He smiled.

I heard Choji knocking on the door.

„Shikamaru, Naruto said you can come out now." He was munching something, I could tell by the sound of a bag rustling.

„I'll be there in a moment, Choji!"I yelled.

„Okay."he said. „Just, don't take too long, or Ino'll get furious. Sakura told me she's already thinking of ways to kill you, and that she's in if Ino needs help in hiding the body." And with it, he left.

I turned towards my old man, whispering how troublesome Ino was.

„She inherited that temper from her father."old-man warned me. „Be careful, she can take you down."

„That's troublesome."I complained. He said nothing, and silence fell upon us. We watched each other, our eyes filling with tears. I felt one escaping from the corner of my eye, and I quickly raised my hand to wipe it away. When I raised my head to look at my father, I noticed that the figure in the mirror was also wiping it's tears, from the same eye. And my eyes widened, as I realised that this person was no longer my old-man.

...But me...

Me. Younger...Older...I didn't know which version of me. He was...different than my old man, he was a lot more like me. Me, now.

No...It _was_ me. It was me. In my tuxedo, with my pineapple ponytail and ted tie Ino made me wear. It was me. Me, me who hasn't changed. I was still the same man I remember from the time I married Temari. But still...I was happier. Big smile was plastered across that face in the mirror, even though his eyes were staring at me in shock and disbelief. No, those were my eyes, my eyes staring at the mirror. In my reflection.

In the man I am.

I quickly regained my composure, fixing my tie as I turned to the door.

I stepped out. Walking normally. So light. So happy. Fulfilled. There was no weight on my shoulders, nothing. And they could see it. My friends. Hundreds of eyes watched me walking towards my best man, Choji, and our silly, smiling-like-crazy Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto. I took my place by Choji's side. He smiled at me. And I turned towards the door.

...There was a woman...I'd be willing to wait for a thousand years.

She was a goddess. In a white, strapless dress decorated with colored motives of flowers, roses. And lilies. Her hair was tied up in a bun, with almost transparent veil falling from it. She wore a little amount of make up, just a pink lipstick, nothing more, and she was...She was the one.

Ino. Yamanaka Ino.

She has died every day waiting for me. But she needn't to be afraid, I have loved her for a thousand years, and I'll love her for a thousand more. Heart beats fast as I remember all the colors...and promises. Of being brave. Being there. And every feeling of doubt I've ever felt goes away somehow when I see her standing there, alone. Time stands still, beauty in all she is. I am finally brave, I will not let anything take away this, her, who's standing in front of me. Every breath...every hour has come to this. To her. Ino. Woman I have loved when I was afraid. To fall. Her who has been here when Asuma had died. Her who has all along believed she'll find me when my father had died. Her who has sacrificed her sanity for mine. And she warms my heart, and makes me a better man, as she whispers those words into my ear:

„Time has brought your heart to me, Shikamaru. I have loved you. For a thousand years."

„And I'll love you for a thousand more, Ino."

Thousand more...


	10. Wherever you will go

**Author's note:**

**Well, hi guys! I'm back! xD The next chapter is finally published, God, it took me so long. I even thought about finishing it with this, but I think I won't. And I wanted to ask you, do you want it to end like this or do you want more? If you do, I assure you I'll write more. Anyway, enjoy :) And...prepare your tissues. :S I love you all.**

* * *

„He gave you a team?!"I half-yelled in obvious disbelief as I watched my troublesome woman jumping around the place. She was squeaking and that sound made my ears hurt, God, how I wanted to be deaf in that moment. But she obviously didn't care for the pain I was feeling, she was deeply lost in her celebration while our son was dying of worry for his three friends. Really, Naruto must've been the stupidest man on Earth. To give his one and only son into the hands of a woman who can't even remember her husband's _needs_…Sheesh.

„Shika! Shika! I'm going to be a team leader! Team 8! Ita-Sato-Min formation, I can already see it!"she let out another childish scream. To hell…I could see sparkles shining around her. Nice. I'll be deaf and blind. Dammit.

„I heard you before, Ino."I sighed, helplessly. „And I've also asked you…why, but you obviously didn't…"

„Ne, Shikamaru, can't you just be happy for me?"she asked, puffing her cheeks. Her baby-blue eyes looked so small and angry. And her cheeks…were slightly rosy. Dammit, she was irresistible. I've always been suspecting that she, somehow, knew about my weakness for that face. Troublesome woman. Way too troublesome.

„I am happy for you, Ino."I said, scratching my head and trying to hide my blush. We were acting like silly children, and of course, Taishi could see the way I was blushing, and so he simply stared at me with disappointed expression.

„Troublesome."her murmured. I sent him a lazy glare.

„Son, why don't you go see how is aunt Sakura doing? I'm sure she's already mourning over her children's destiny."I said. And regretted it the next moment.

Ino hit me with a pan.

„Ouch!"I screamed, massaging the sore spot. „Geez, Ino, that was so troublesome." She gave me one of those evil smiles which always came before a great portion of eternal yelling. I better prepare. So I stretched myself on the sofa.

„Shikamaru…"she said, gently, caressing my cheek. God. This won't be good. „Can you help me in the kitchen, you…lazy-ass?"

„I wish I could Ino, I wish I could"I said, shifting into more comfortable position. „but now is time for my nap." Wrong answer. I was thrown in a ring and Ino and her pan were, nicely said, winning.

„IT'S ALWAYS A TIME FOR YOUR NAP! WELL, NOT ANYMORE, YOU NARA-ASS!"she screamed.

„Ino! Ino, stop! Ino!"I pleaded, covering myself wherever I could. My son was laughing like crazy. Geez, old man, if you only told me it will be like that, I would've never fallen in love with this woman here. Liar. I fell for her while we were still children. I was hopeless since then.

„Okasan! Okasan!" Haino ran inside the room. Ino stopped hitting me the moment she heard Haino's little voice. She turned towards our daughter to whom I sent a look of relief.

„Okasan is busy right now."Ino's sweet and caring side spoke again. „She has to kick your Otosan's ass."

„Okay, Okasan, but I found a letter in your kunoichi uniform. It's addressed to Otosan."Haino said, smiling. She gave Ino the letter, causing her to slap her forehead.

„For kami-sama's sake! I've almost forgot about it."she turned towards me, handing me the letter. „Naruto asked me to give you this."

„A letter?" I asked, taking it. A letter.

It was _the _letter.

A formal letter, sent by Naruto as the 7th Hokage. It had a Hokage's seal on it.

I remember that letter. I once saw one, similar to this. It was sent to my old man, when I was seven years old. It was…a formal invitation to the mission. A high-ranked mission. I was surprised Ino didn't recognize it, her father also used to go on high-ranked missions. He and my old man were partners.

Partners.

…Sweat washed over me. Nara clan. Yamanaka clan. Does this mean…that she has to go with me?! I cannot accept it. I cannot leave them. Haino. Taishi.

But…this letter is sent to a jounin whose opinion doesn't count in that moment. It means it has been decided for him. Which means that my destiny…has been sealed. Naruto…I guess he had no choice. There's only one head of the Nara clan.

As I thought about it, I turned my head towards my son, wondering.

One day he will be the head of this clan. And I may not be there to guide him. Dammit.

„Will you open the letter, Shikamaru?"I heard Ino's voice coming from the kitchen. I didn't even realise when she left.

„H-Hai. I'll read it."I said as I moved my fingers to break the seal. My heart was throbbing violently in my ears, blocking my hearing abilities. And I was sure Ino was saying something, but I just couldn't hear.

I opened it. And took a deep breath.

It was addressed on me. Only me. That was good to know.

My eyes traced over the letter, hoping to find a mission ran before I break down. My brow and palms were sweating…and then I found it. My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to sob so hard, I wanted to dry my eyes…so I never have to cry again. I wanted to…Ino. I made a grimace, well-aware that my children were looking. I tried to mask it the best that I could. But I wanted to cry, like when my old man had died. It was…a hopeless thing. A punishment, I smirked. For Kiba. I should've been dead then, it would've been easier for all the three of them. But Naruto had no choice now. I am the leader of my clan.

An A-rank mission…Something broke inside me. Something big. Like a rock. Like a mountain. It hurt. It hurt. And it felt like I was falling apart. Inside. Already gone.

„Shikamaru."Ino's voice reached me. I lifted my head from the letter, well aware that I looked like a soulless creature. Ino's face was horrified, but she managed to fake it.

„Haino, Taishi."she called them. „Go to aunt Sakura. Visit Satomi and Itachi. Say hello to them. From us."she said. Our children simply nodded. Taishi…his eyes shone. He knew. My little boy knew.

I broke down when I heard the doors closing. I simply threw the letter, fell on my knees and cried like a baby. Like there was no tomorrow. Ironically, there wasn't.

I sobbed. Screaming. Yelling. Clenching my fists and hitting things. Everything bothered me. Everything. Even my own existence. Everything. And nothing couldn't help me. Not even Ino who was holding me, crying with me.

„It will be okay, Shikamaru."she sobbed, but she herself didn't believe in those words. We couldn't believe…an A-rank mission. Oh, how it made me laugh, uncontrollably. Ino watched me as if I was mad. But I couldn't help myself. I couldn't be saved.

„Ino…who will be there to take my place?"I sobbed, still laughing, with fingers in my hair. „When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face."

„Shikamaru…You'll come back…Shikamaru."she said, kissing me. My tears. My neck, My mouth. I screamed into her neck before I embraced her and cried, hiding my face into her hair.

„Shikamaru…"she whispered. „If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high or down low…Shikamaru, I'd go wherever you will go."

„Ino…"I said, through gritted teeth, holding back my tears. „Maybe…I'll find out a way to make it back some day."

She smiled, and moved away to stare at my face. She took my hand and pressed it to her chest.

„Your life and love will still go on. In my heart. In my mind. Shikamaru, I'll stay with you for all of time."

And she took my pain away, drowning us both in our misery, with just one kiss. With just one love making.

And the other morning…I was gone.


	11. Hymn for the missing

She sits by the window and waits. Everyday, she waits.

_'Okasan, why did he go to Suna? Why did we have to stay? Okasan…'_ She asks those questions every hour, every minute, every second…Her eyes cannot understand the looks I'm sending her, she is too young to understand my pain, she is too young to understand…

…that her father won't be coming back.

I swallow, hard, each time that thought crosses my mind. And I still cannot believe…that I will always carry the last memory of him. Bathed in golden light of sunrise, beautiful, broken, giving me his last smile. Then walking away…knowing that he'll never come back.

Imagine…Imagine those feelings. Knowing that death awaits you, and knowing that there is no choice for you, that there never will be. Imagine what he must be feeling, Ino, imagine. All the pain…all the suffering. Imagine, Ino…Imagine him.

His dying moment…

Will he die standing? Will he die on his knees? Will he call my name before he closes his eyes and the last breath leaves his body? Will he be in pain? Will he…Shikamaru!

Sometimes, when I forget, I don't know how, but I forget, I reach for him…and then it just flashes again.

_He's gone. Never to come back._

Sometimes I hear him calling, from some lost and distant shore. I hear him crying softly, for the way it was before…

Shikamaru.

Where are you now? Are you lost? Will I find you again? Are you alone? Are you afraid? Are you searching for me, in that world? Shikamaru…are you…_dead?_

Will you wait? For me, Shikamaru, will you wait? Will I see you again?

It's happening again, Shikamaru. I see dead people. I see father and Kiba, watching me, talking to me, but I never answer. Taishi won't let me. But, Shikamaru…You took it with you when you left, my sanity, and those scars I carry on my soul are just a trace.

Lost and wounded wanders…this heart that I misplaced.

I'm gone, Shikamaru. No longer strong, no longer sane.

And Taishi knows it, and he knows that I cannot escape. From that world. I cannot escape, Shikamaru…I cannot escape. But I cannot also surrender. Because of them. Our children. Shikamaru…

I'm tired. Tired of living. No, tired of surviving. We've been fighting since young age...and my mind cannot take it anymore. Asuma-sensei's death…my father…I've been inside Obito's mind, and it poisoned me. That fight inside…the things I've seen…Shikamaru, I'll never forget that. Then came Kiba's death, but during that time, I had you, I had them. Haino and Taishi. But now…Shikamaru, I love them. I have to stay. I need to get through this.

…How?

Shikamaru…WHY DID YOU GO?! AND I HAD TO STAY!

Shikamaru…

Just save me! Somebody save me from this hell! Otosan! Otosan, please, save me! Otosan don't let me fall, Otosan! OTOSAN!

Asuma-sensei…Asuma-sensei…please…Asuma-sensei…

Kiba. Dear Kiba…Save me.

Otosan. Why? Why him? Why us? Why?

Just tell me, Kami-sama, or whoever is up there…Why?

…Why?

I cry. In silence, when no one's watching, I cry. For everything. For everyone. I'm done, Shikamaru. I'm done. It became clear to me, the fact that I'll never be sane, when we lost them all in that war. Or maybe even before. The first time I used shintenshin no jutsu, when I saved Sakura. Yes, then. Then it became clear to me that this is not a gift, but curse, curse we've been given to save others from pain we're feeling.

…And Haino has it. My poor girl.

Stop this. Someone stop this, this useless suffering.

This hymn for the missing.

„Okasan."Taishi's voices reaches me. I have to turn. I use my whole strength to turn towards him and fake a smile. What a lovely smile.

„What is it, son?"I ask him. Death. All you can hear is death.

He watches me. My son watches me in disapproving manner. But what can he do? Just watch me. My son…I love him.

„Okasan. Naruto-san told me that someone has forged it. It should've been…

…a C-rank mission."

SHIKAMARU!


	12. Heaven's trying to break me down

Sand.

Sand was everywhere.

You could not see anything, sand was hiding everything, everyone…And yet it discovered so much. It gave me no shelter, no place to run or maybe hide if I get in the danger. All it allowed me…was to fight. How ungrateful…

And funny. An A-rank mission. It really was all about dying.

You couldn't think about anything other than death. Each step, breath, look you took, you wondered if it was your last. Your instincts were sharpened, at least you thought that way, because you jumped on any sound you heard, but in truth, you are just scared…Of dying. Of your last thoughts, of your last breath, of a person who will take your life away…You are afraid. You aren't brave nor observant…you are just afraid.

And I feared of dying.

I feared of seeing my old man, again, and listening to things he'll have to say. I'm afraid of playing shogi again with him because it would mean …never seeing Ino again. Forever. She was my all. She was everything I had and loved…Our children. Without them I would've been nothing. But...life was a bitch. My whole life.

…And I didn't want to die.

Not now. Not yet. Not like this.

But I knew that I didn't stood a chance.

It was almost like…my heaven was trying everything to break me down.

Still, memories haunted me, the faces of people I'll never see again. Haino's first smile. Her first words. Taishi. My woman. My way too troublesome woman. The one who yelled at me, screamed at me and threw things at me…all out of love. Pure love.

God…Dammit, how I loved that woman. I loved her too much for my own good. For her own good.

And I regretted, never telling it to her.

I never told her…that I loved her eyes, because they reminded me of the sky I so loved to watch. I never told her I loved her hair because it was so soft and danced beautifully against the wind. I never told her…how beautiful she was at our wedding. God…she was a goddess. Ino. Nara Ino.

…But memories are just shadows, ink on the page. And all I had was another day in this carnival of soul.

Far away from home. The places I've been to, and things I've seen. And now I'm just a part of million stories that made up a million shattered dreams.

No one. Nothing. Lost.

I stopped. Dead in my tracks. The Sun was at it's highest, and the heat was unbearable, so…I was probably hallucinating. Because she couldn't be here. Not her, the last person I wanted to see before I die…Her. She was here.

Temari of Suna.

I bent my head down, slowly, wiping of the traces of sweat from my brow. I exhaled a couple of times, closing my eyes for a moment. Just enough to clear my thoughts and calm myself. Because she couldn't be here. Even though I was heading to Suna…She shouldn't be there.

My eyes went open.

She was still here. Standing tall, in her black kunoichi uniform, with fan behind her back. She watched me with those bluish-green eyes…Her hair swayed with the wind. She couldn't be a hallucination. She just seemed…too real.

It took me some time to collect myself. I swallowed, hard, before taking those steps towards her. Steps that were needed to…meet her eye to eye.

And I stopped. Just as the wind blew past us.

„Temari."I said her name, almost whispered. In disgust. In hatred. Feelings I couldn't hide. But she was there, she was truly there, and her voice, it reached my ears…that damn voice.

„Shikamaru."she greeted me. The wind came, carrying her words away.

I frowned, staring at her. „What are you doing here?"

Her expression was serious, like always, but still, she was different. Her eyes…they were filled with regret, with…sadness.

„Shikamaru"she started, clutching her hands into fists. I watched her, memorizing her moves. She seemed as if she was deciding, weighing something in her mind. But then she spoke, loud, and clear, cold…colder than ever:

„I came here to stop you."

…It was like a hit. In the stomach. Hard hit. Hit that made me lose my breath. Painful hit. And it took me some time to collect myself, to organise my thoughts. Hell…It took me time…to even speak.

„What are you talking about? Stop me from what?"I yelled, gritting my teeth. She watched me, still expressionless. Her eyes still seemed as if she was deciding.

„From going to your mission."she said.

„Nani?!"I yelled, outraged, taking one step towards her…It took my whole strength not to grab her. „What are you talking about?!"

Her eyes narrowed. She was angry.

„I came here to save you. From death."she spitted.

My eyes widened and I took a step back, hearing my heart throbbing in my chest. My mind…it went blank.

Saving…

„N-Nani?"I whispered. „Temari, tell me…what are you talking about?"

She eyed me. Then straightened herself, and turned fully towards me. „If you cross this line"she said, taking a step backwards with her left leg, stepping on something I couldn't see. „they'll be able to clearly see you, from all the corners. And they'll attack, just on one Gaara's order."

„G-Gaara?!"I asked, shocked. Temari nodded, closing her eyes just for a second.

„Hai, Shikamaru."she said. „They've been told that another ninja will be coming to Suna in three days, a traitor, from another village. So my brother organised the defense, the best and easiest way to kill a traitor. Here, in the desert, right before the entrance to Suna."

„But why…why would someone say that?"I voiced my thoughts, as if that will make me understand the person better. „And…what are you doing here?"

She was loosing her temper. „I don't know and I already told you. I came here to save you."she said, almost yelling.

„Yes."I confirmed, my brain organising the informations I've just gotten from her. All the possibilities…I had ten of them completely set in my mind, and for just one of them I believed…I believed to be the right one.

„Why did you come here?"I asked, out voicing with the wind that was blowing. „If you didn't know who was the traitor, why would you come and risk your life, Temari?"

Her face twitched, and she made a grimace, obviously shocked. „Shi-Shikamaru!"she yelled.

„Hai, Temari."I said, smiling. „How did you know that it was me?"

„I didn't."she hissed.

„You did."I was persistent.

„Shikamaru"she began. Her eyes were shining. I noticed how her usual guard disappeared. She was well aware that she couldn't win an argument with me, using excuses. We were married, after all.

„Just don't cross this line, please."she said, in such a pleading tone that she almost got me to believe her. No. I won't do the same mistake again. No.

I moved. Towards her.

„Shikamaru!"she yelled, eyes wide. „No, Shikamaru, stay back, SHIKAMARU!"she continued to scream, but I wouldn't listen. I tried to push her away, as I stepped on that line.

…As I crossed that line.

Rain of silver was coming towards me. Fast. Unstoppable.

…

Scream.

…Pain.

…Blood…

…

_Heaven's trying everything to break me down._

…Fall.

„IIEEEEEE!"


	13. Love pulls us down, hate lifts us up

It was the first thing I felt…that irony scent.

Scent of blood.

Blood…

I could see it on the ground beneath me, spreading in perfect pools. Flowing…Down my hands and fingers, dripping…Perfect red liquor.

…It was _everywhere_. All around me. Shining red…Red…Pure red. Scary red. Shocking red. Red like the blood…I saw on Asuma-sensei. Red like the blood I saw on the battlefield. It scared me then…but I cannot tell you how it scares me now, when it's mine and…

Mine.

God.

Tears started streaming down my face as I watched my blood…_leaving_. But it wasn't…it wasn't blood. It wasn't blood I shed this tears for…It was knowing…that this blood wasn't mine…alone.

It was _hers_. Hers. Dammit. It was hers!

She…I held her, in my shaking arms, I held her…the woman I hated above all…the woman who saved me from…_death_. God…She was so cold. Like death. Like death, people would say. And they weren't wrong…'cause she was colder, than ice itself. And the fact that she was this cold forbid me to let her go. To take my eyes off of her…dying form.

God…

Her face…stains of blood were washed all over it, and a fresh, long, undying trace of blood, coming from her mouth. It was shining…Or it just seemed to me, through all the tears I cried. She was pale. Like snow…dying snow. Snow that seemed like it could disappear, vanish, in every minute. She was never weaker and more fragile than now. Almost like…it wasn't her. Her dark blue eyes were wide, horrified, shocked…And her expression…they say people go to death peaceful, but she…she was dying and she was in pain. Such pain that I could not even imagine. It was like…she wanted to cry out loud, scream, just to make it easier, just so she doesn't have to suffer, but she was too weak…so, so weak.

…and I could do nothing to save her.

I just watched her wounds...before my eyes landed on the kunai in her chest. In her heart. That was when I sobbed, covering my mouth with my bloody hand. She watched me, the corner of her mouth twitching, as if she wanted to smile.

_Dammit!_

I buried my face in my hand, sobbing…shaking. Unable to stop myself. I was…shocked. Dying…She may be the third person I saw dying, but she…she was a first person I held while she was dying. I screamed, out loud. I screamed, for what…?

For pain. For agony.

Oh, dear agony.

…A cold, shaking hand touched my face. My eyes shot open.

She was…soothing me.

„Te-Temari."I sobbed, taking her hand in mine. The cold…it burned my hands. She watched me, trying to figure out what I was thinking or maybe just…trying to memorize me. „Temari."

„Shi…Shikamaru…"she whispered. I…I couldn't even call it a whisper. It was like…she mouthed those words, using a bit of her voice. „Shikamaru…"

„No, don't talk. Don't."I cried out, trying to wipe off my tears. But as much as I wiped them…million new ones will come, flowing. It was like a never ending circle.

She shook her head, with that little amount of strength she had. „I…have nothing left to give, Shi…kamaru. I have found…a…perfect…end."she smiled.

„Don't speak. Dammit! Stop!"I yelled, as I watched the blood flowing down her mouth. Faster. As she spoke, it flew faster.

…But she wouldn't listen. Dammit, you!

„Shika…maru. I have…something to…tell you."she moaned, in pain, grabbing my vest with her hands. Her grip was unthinkable weak. Like it wasn't her. „I was the one…who forged the letter."

My eyes widened. For a second, I wanted to scream at her, but…could you scream at someone whose life you watched leaving? …I couldn't.

„I..It's fine. Temari."I manged to say, my voice breaking in the middle of a sentence. She just watched me. The look in her eyes…it grew distant with each passing second.

„It's not."she said, in one breath, coughing hardly. Her body trembled in my hands, bending. „I wanted…to get revenge…for…what you did…to me."she stopped, to take a breath. „But I…c..couldn't. Because the enemy…was within. Me. Shika…maru. I'm so sorry."

I clenched my hands into fists, shaking violently. My teeth were gritted. Was this…a punishment? For the way I left her? For never loving her? Then, God…you need to know that you're succeeding. I am _sorry_.

„N-no, Temari."I whispered. „I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened on my words. Just a second after, her bloody hand weakly slapped my face.

„You shouldn't be."she murmured. „I should." Her head fell backwards and I pushed my hands under it, to catch her. But she didn't seem to notice. Or care. Her gaze was set upon the beautiful blue sky. With perfect, cotton shaped clouds. She smiled.

„You were right…It really is…the color of her eyes."she whispered, and the moment after she yelped in pain, grimacing. My heart skipped a beat, fearing…that she might go away.

„Haaah…"she breathed, painfully, still staring at the clouds. „God…is this the way it's got to be?"she asked, smirking.

„Te…Temari."I sobbed. But from this moment on, she didn't seem to hear me. She was lost. In some world I couldn't see.

„I thought I'd…fight, until the end. But obviously, I was wrong."she spoke, her voice shaking. „I…I feel it crawl beneath my skin…cold…agony. Just…Kami-sama, just let go of me…I'm so…sorry."

She screamed. She screamed so loud, so hard…it made my ears bleed. She screamed as if someone was trying to rip her heart out of her chest, force her to give up on her soul. It was like she was being tortured, right before my eyes, digging nails into the sand, grabbing her chest. It was like…someone was trying to rip her lodes out of her body…and watch her bleeding… And even after she stopped, it still echoed in my mind. Painful…Scream of true agony.

…Then it came, again.

„AAAAAAAH! AAAA!"she screamed, spitting blood in my hands. That smell…it made me feel dizzy, no…just looking at it…made me vomit. She cried. She cried… „GOD, LET ME GO!"she howled.

„Temari…"

She sobbed, staring at the sky. „Shikamaru…I…I'm cold…"she cried. I brought her closer to me, hugging her and kissing her hair. I took a look at the sky. Seeing nothing but blur…tears. How I wished…how I wished Ino was here. She would have words…soothing words to say.

Ino…

I took a look a the crying woman in my arms. She looked like an innocent child.

She smiled. Staring at me, but seeing something else. She smiled, and spoke, with such a beautiful, husky voice:

„Shika…maru."she called me, smiling. „Somewhere far…beyond this world…"she stopped, her eyelids trembling. My eyes went wide. „I feel…nothing, anymore."

…Her body sank into my arms. Small. Light. So fragile did it seem, in death. Who would ever say that she was the woman who killed many men.

I knelt there. Crying my soul out. Screaming, hearing my voice breaking.

'Cause it didn't matter who was the one dying. It didn't matter what you felt for him/her. All that mattered…was death.

I saw a shadow…then a man falling to his knees before us. Before her.

Gaara of the Sand.

Redhaired man digging his hands into the hot sand…And cried. Cried. Like the mad man he cried. Gaara…

I wanted to reach for him, maybe hug him, tell him something…but I couldn't. I was never good with tears and tears were never good with me. Dammit. Dammit!

„AAAAAAHHHHH!"Gaara screamed, burying his fingers in his hair. If you can imagine…a soulless person, screaming his soul out…than you can feel it. The things Gaara has been feeling. And Kankuro, who wept, silently.

I rose to my feet, using every strength I had. And carried her…to Suna.

I carried her…to heaven's arms.

* * *

_Love has pulled us all down. And hate has lifted us all up. But in the end…each one of us, the winner and the looser, ends up in the same place. Some call it heaven. Some call it hell. But, however they call it, it's just the same._

_Just more peaceful. Painless. Beautiful._

_Shikamaru…All I wanted to say, before I went, was:_

_Arigatou. For loving me, the way you did._

_I love you, Gaara. Kankuro. I'm sorry, Suna, for betraying you. But I died, to correct my mistake._

_...'Cause this is who I am. I am Temari of Suna._

_I can finally smile. Because, finally, I feel no agony._

…

* * *

**Author's note: This was for all of you out there who loved and read this story. Thank you. It meant so much to me. Too much. I'd like to thank anyone who had reviewed on it, followed it and favorited it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart :) I'd like to thank my two friends, Sara-chan and Mori-chan, for helping me out with this, for reading it and making me sane. I love all of you, and thank you, once again :-* This is the last chapter, the next one will be epilogue, Shikamaru coming home. If you have any requests for songs, say, I'm always here to listen :) Thank you :D**


	14. Epilogue: It was all yellow

I was walking.

Slowly, steadily. I was walking.

Their gazes…They watched me, my every step. There was Nijito, Neji and TenTen's son with his little sister, Yulene, Lee and TenTen's daughter. There were Satomi and Itachi. There was Sakura. And Choji.

I saw Kakashi-sensei and Kurenai-sensei with little Asuma. I saw Minato and Kushina. And other children. Many children and grown up shinobi. All of Konoha. All of them stopped just to watch me. As I walked. As I walked. Home. Finally home.

My heart beat loudly in my chest, so I couldn't hear what they were saying, what Choji was yelling, at the verge of crying. My legs wanted to run, to get to...her. Her. Whom I've been waiting to see all this time. Her whom I loved.

She…She has no idea how much I love her. Not a bit. Not at all. But she knew…that I would always come back to her.

I could see her. Just a glance at her form made me smile and caused tears to come in my eyes.

She ran out of the flower shop, with our two little flowers behind her, following her. And she stopped, turned towards me, in her kunoichi uniform. Her eyes were open wide and her strong form began shaking when she saw me. Her pale hand rose to her lips and she pressed it to them, to silence the loud sobs she could not control. Crying. She was crying. But she has never been prettier.

My son watched me with a proud smile on his face. My beautiful son, so much like me, but yet, so much like her. And my sweet little daughter, my sweet innocent flower…She didn't waste her time. She ran up to me, screaming: „Daddy!" My heart broke upon hearing her voice.

I fell to my knees. To catch my little princess. And it was the prettiest, the most beautiful feeling in the whole world, when her small body crushed into mine and when her small, but strong arms enveloped my neck. She smelled like roses. She looked like roses. She was so much like roses. Yellow roses.

I just couldn't…I couldn't stop my tears from falling down my cheeks. Soon enough, I was sobbing into her little shoulder, pressing her harder against me, my little baby. My beautiful girl. It seemed like time stood still.

Then Taishi ran up to me. Us. Me and his sister. He threw himself on us and started sobbing, shaking uncontrollably. My son…Cry your eyes out my dear son, for so long you have been strong.

„Otosan!"he uttered through the sobs, hugging me even tighter. „Otosan!" I smiled at him, moving away to take a look at his face. He…he so looked like her. There was Ino all over him. His sky-blue eyes. His skin. His blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. He was so much like her.

„Taishi…Haino…"I gathered some strength to speak to them. But I couldn't stop sobbing. „I…I swam across…I jumped across for you. I…I love you."

Haino hugged her brother's taller form when he started to sob even more. I watched them. How loving did they look. Then I softly caressed their heads, standing up.

She was still there. Shaking, covering her mouth while hot tears washed her face. She was so beautiful even though she was in pain. I gulped, hard, my vision blurry upon seeing her like that. My wife. But I took one step towards her. Then another one. And another one. And another one. And one more…

…She ran. To me. She just ran, not looking at anyone. She just ran. To me. To her home.

Her arms encircled my waist and I pulled her closer to me, raising my head towards the sky. Tears couldn't stop flowing.

„Shikamaru!"she sobbed, her hands clutching my shirt. „_Shikamaru!_" I thanked God, everyone, who ever was up there. She was my heart. My soul.

Ino was the point of my existence.

I lowered my head as she raised her own to look at me. Her eyes…Her skin and bones, they are something beautiful. She watches me and I watch her. Seconds pass. No, minutes. Maybe hours. But it doesn't matter, because I'm holding her. Nothing matters when I'm holding her. Nothing. Not even my life.

Suddenly, she stepped on her tiptoes and brought our lips together. Oh, lords. She was so sweet. Her lips moved with mine in harmony, in fiery sensation that I just wanted that moment to never end. It was…watery, salty, from tears, but it held all the love and longing she felt. Everything. And I cherished it more than anything.

We broke apart, both gasping for breath.

…I smiled.

I laughed like a mad man and took her in my arms and spun her around. She laughed with me. Everyone laughed with us. Through tears.

Our children ran to us as I put her down and took Haino in my arms. Taishi took his place, proudly, by his mother who hugged his shoulders. I pulled her closer, kissing my little girl's cheeks. God, she was the prettiest thing I have ever seen. Even prettier than her mother. I eyed all three of them, fresh tears coming down my cheeks.

I sighed.

„Do you know…do you know I love you so?"

My family. My friends.

I was the happiest man on Earth.

* * *

Nara Shikamaru retired when his daughter married Akimichi Cho, Choji's son, on the same day, Taishi and Satomi's second son was born. Shikamaru spent his days playing shogi and watching his wife working with flowers. They were happy.

On 27th June year 2077, Nara Ino and Shikamaru left this world. Happy. And on their tomb stones, in a village of Konohagakure, it says:

_I love you so. It was all yellow._


End file.
